Be Soft

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One thing that's been on my mind recently is the idea that I'm "too soft" of a teacher. This really bothered me the first few times I've heard it. I've had a few teachers imply this but not directly say it, and I've had two kids directly say it to me.

 I distinctly remember it being my mission to try and be less "soft" in middle school and high school. I felt like I was a people pleaser or a push over and I hated it. And I have come a long way to what I believe is a good balance for me. So I was curious why these comments at school made me so mad. I guess I was so mad because I feel like I'm constantly trying to not be perceived that way? 

I've come to realize that even though my classroom procedures and expectations are pretty strict, I am more of a soft person in the way that I speak and interact with the kids. There was this one day where I was so mad that I was yelling at the kids about how disappointed I was in their behavior. I felt like I was so mean and there was no reason why I should ever speak to them that way. During dismissal that day, I spoke to two different kids and they didn't even think I was being mean, just "serious". I've had many conversations with other teachers about how concerning it is that some kids only do what they're supposed to do when they are being yelled at. That's the only indicator in their brain that they need to listen. After realizing this, I thought back to the few kids who have said I was "too soft". They definitely both came from tricky home situations where one of the parents seemed to have a temper or at least they seemed to yell a lot. After learning more about these two kids, it seems like there aren't many people who speak kindly to them on a regular basis. 

 And I really like this about myself, and I think a lot of the students do too. I try to teach with kindness and love which I shouldn't feel bad for doing. 

With the end of the school year not far away, I've been counting down the days and feeling like I'm not doing much good for the kids. Teaching is a very easy job to feel like you aren't doing the right things or that you could've done things better. 

Today a student gave me a letter and it reminded me that I was right where I am supposed to be, and that all the effort and love I've been putting into these students does matter. 

And what made this extra sweet is she didn't write this for a class, and didn't give one to any other teacher. 😭

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