A Year at Durant

 Teaching has to be the one of the biggest emotional roller coasters out there. Especially when you're at a school like mine. I know I've talked about the title 1 life a few times on here, but recently it's been feeling a little different. Let me explain. There's always challenges with teaching in general, and even more at a title 1 school, but sometimes it all feels like a lot. Let me explain. 

Usually the challenges have to do with children with chronic absences, minimal funding, absent parents, and a lack of admin support. And don't get me wrong, all of these challenges are still happening, but somehow there's new ones. 

First, there are a few boys from my 2nd class of the day that are my behavior kiddos, but we've always had a good relationship. They mess around in class, I redirect constantly, they never do work, but when we are conversating, there is no bad blood and the good relationship is there. The problem is, that admin has not handled things well with the parents and the student, so now things aren't great at home for the child. Both of these boys now are having a hard time at home and the admin basically told them many times it's all because of me. And I have definitely had students get a little butt hurt when I write them up and they get ISS, but when the admin literally tells the child it's my fault enough times without putting the accountability on the student, our relationship starts to go downhill. These two boys who were silly boys who didn't like ELA and love to chat in class, are now disrespectful and straight up rude whenever they can. I have spoken with my admin about it and it's pretty clear he didn't have my back whatsoever with the parents or the students. Now this is just a tiny escalation of behavior, but it does put a damper on my mood. 

Secondly, teacher morale has gone way down. Everyone is fed up, which means that everyone is in a worse mood. Other teachers are also calling out more which makes my job harder. There have been many days recently where the hallway is half filled with subs or we are absorbing kids which makes our classes bigger and worse. Some of the teachers also have other jobs for next year so they really aren't trying their hardest their hardest (I understand but still sucks for me). 

Lastly, or at least the last one I'll mention here, the fights. There have been at 5 fights that I've witnessed, probably more I didn't see or I'm forgetting about, just this year in my grade. Each one has rattled me differently, and the most recent one is the main reason for this blog post. 

1. The first one was near the beginning of the school year, in my classroom. There was one boy sitting on a chair in the back of my room, and he opened a bag of chips saying "I don't want these, who wants them?". Little did I know that this would cause 6 boys to throw themselves over the desks and tackle the child into my bookshelf. The boys starting fighting each other and almost elbowed me into the face if I wasn't paying attention. This one really rattled me because I almost got hurt and they were all boys being aggressive. This was the first fight I had witnessed here, and none of the boys received a consequence. I told myself it was an accident, and forgot about it. 

2. Then two girls almost fought in my class, screaming and threatening each other in my room. I did my best to get one of the girls out in the hall, but I was standing in between them with my arms out. This one scared me because I was right in the middle and didn't know what was going to happen. Luckily nothing else happened, but when I brought this up to an administrator, I was told that it was not a big deal and I overreacted by calling the office. 

3. The next one was two girls right outside my door in the hall, pulling hair, rolling around on the ground, so so mad at each other. I've never seen people more mad in my entire life. They were both being restrained and were screaming and trying to break free for at least 5 minutes. I was shocked to find out that this was over them both wanting to sit in the same chair in their history class. 

4. This fight was with two girls again, very similar to the last one. During this fight, one of the male teachers on the hallway got involved and broke his glasses. A different teacher tried to help and she got slammed into the hall by kids trying to watch and video the fight. This one made me feel really good about my decision of getting kids into my classroom and shutting the door. Teachers getting injured was a big eye opener for me. 

5. This fight was two boys, and happened just a week or two ago. Apparently the smaller boy was spitting on the bigger one, and the bigger kid started punching him over and over again. This kid was curled up on the group, bleeding from his face, getting punched repeatedly. The male teacher on our hall runs over to restrain the kid doing the punching. While he's restrained, the kid on the ground gets up and tries to get a few punches in. A different teacher comes out of her classroom, trying to separate the boys and she gets punch in the shoulder and the neck. Teachers were screaming at kids to move and get into classrooms but they wouldn't listen. I even accidentally hit a girl in the head just trying to get kids out of the hallway. I saw one of the boys after the fight, and he looked so terrible. White face, sickly expression, barely even conscious. These two teachers involved got injured as well (male teacher had bruises, female teacher broke her toe) and we had to have a whole assembly about it. 

Somehow, with the assembly, even more strict rules, and several serious conversations with the kids, it's not sinking in. I'm just counting down the days until we get a new set of kids next year to see if this is just an anomaly. I love teaching, I really do. But there comes a point when all I'm doing is enforcing rules and expectations, and there's very little teaching actually being done. I've been teaching at this school for more than a year now, and I'm hoping that there is a reason why I'm there. That I'm doing some good or doing something to help some of these kids. Or I hope that at least this is helping me as a person in some way, shape, or form. 

Also, here's a picture one of my students took of me and Clayton at the talent show. This is such a good memory of mine and of Clayton getting to meet a few of my students. Holding on to these small moments that bring me joy hoping it keeps me sane.